My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
