Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
