Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
