As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
