He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
