i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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