Dual....:-)
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
