Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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