all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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