i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize