I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
