i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
