If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
