Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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