he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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