where am i from again
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
