90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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