The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
