You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Semen is not good for contacts.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
