My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
