it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
tell me about the eggs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
