in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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