What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize