dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
