I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
