you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
