Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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