mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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