Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
