I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
