Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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