Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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