I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
