Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
