I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
