I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
