you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
