I wish I could punch you in the face.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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