I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
