What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
