I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
