i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
