If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
