Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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