wat bout pragnant strippers??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
