Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
