I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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