i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
