i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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