we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
