did you get engaged???
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
