I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
