We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
