I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
