I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
