I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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