Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
