At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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