I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
