Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
