I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
