He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
