UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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