This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im part way to drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
