I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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