38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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