I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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