you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
