I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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