I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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