I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
