i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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