how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
