i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
